looking back, this is the last photo I took being “normal” or unaware of myself
i can barely remember what I was doing this day but it was June 12th 2017–In the back of the salon I worked at during that time. Had I known I would be COMPLETELY different in Just weeks, I would have taken more photos
Flash back to 2015
Distancing myself from what no longer served me all started with what i allowed into my body As far back as 2015—( down to the ppl who came into my life...every person who showed up in 2015 served a purpose but that’s another discussion)—-me going vegetarian... At first it started out as me just seeing if i could do it, not thinking that this would be a lifelong commitment. I'll admit, my Journey has been ON & off since 2015. A guy i was dating during that time went vegan cold turkey & i honestly tried to keep up with him--- DIDN'T WORK! It lasted for about a month then i immediately grabbed a super sonic double cheeseburger with NO ONIONS/PICKLES 🤮 (i hated onions). Instead of sticking to no meat, i used my 30 day discipline tactic to my advantage! I started doing 30 days of no makeup, and from there it was 30 days of LooksNLabelz which truly helped my brand tremendously-- SHEESH IM GETTING OFF TRACK, BACK TO MY VEGETARIAN JOURNEY--- fast forward, that relationship lasted as long as my FAST 😹😹 it turned into a forceful "elevate with me or get left behind" Energy.... so he left --& my exact thoughts were "CARRY YO ASS THEN HARPO" --it was one of my most annoying relationships ever lol i say all that to say, NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU CHANGE OR DO BETTER EXCEPT YOU. YOU HAVE TO GENUINELY WANT IT however that annoying relationship opened my eyes up to ALOT way before I was mentally ready. That goes for diet, goals, relationships etc. ANYWAY, fast forward again to year 2017-- NOW HERES THE REAL REASON I CHANGED MY LIFE--My dad went to the ER for what he thought was just a headache— it was 2 brain tumors which knocked me into a spiritual awakening (i won't make this post about my dad, he's doing well if you're wondering 🧿)
I know a lot of people talk about being spiritual but not many actually go into depth about HOW THEY GOT TO THAT POINT.
The moment i found out about my dad, i fell into a very deep depression. I would sleep all day, wouldn't eat & when i had nothing else to do... I'd cry, literally would wake up at 4am just to let it all out. I was stressing myself out over "what could go wrong" vs. "what could go right". My perception was all the way OFF. At that point i had stressed my body all the way out to the point where i started having dizzy spells & panic attacks. My entire family thought i was crazy and being dramatic but this was the scariest shit i have ever experienced. I would lay down and all of a sudden the room would start spinning. Sometimes i would be driving and my forehead would just get heavy, it wasn't a headache but more so a off balance feeling as if my entire forehead was vibrating -- it sounds crazy but whew! If only you knew how real it was.
This dizzy feeling happened to me on & off for about 5 months. I even went to see 3 different doctors & they all told me i was fine 😭😭 in my mind I'm thinking "so this is what those people on shutter island felt" because i honestly thought i was going crazy. This one day i slept until 2pm, my stepmom volunteered to get my son out of school so i knew I'd be okay to do nothing else except sleep--- BRACE YOURSELF--- as I'm sleeping i feel a vibration as if I'm being pushed out of my body. I WAS SCARED AF! It almost felt as if someone was pushing my forehead and pushing me out of my body. It felt like i was falling. The scariest part was that i felt awake but wasn't. I had trouble waking up but once i snapped out of it i IMMEDIATELY called my mom and told her that i felt like i was dying in my sleep.
My family is very superstitious & I've heard the tales of the "devil riding your back" and that's what startled me even more. I kept thinking "what would've happened if i didn't force myself to snap out of it?" The best part about me calling my mom was that she IMMEDIATELY PRAYED OVER ME.
She knew i was stressed out and worrying about my dad so maybe i was just bugging.....BUT I WASNT. It happened 2 more times. I was laying down... per usual when i sat up-- well i thought i did lol have you ever saw yourself sleeping? Well that's what happened. All of these feelings scared the hell out of me, i wanted no parts. It happened a third time in a chic-Fil-a drive thru . The line was so long this day and i was already tired so i dozed off for literally 2 minutes & that forehead vibration happened again!!! At this point I'm scared of sleep! As soon as i felt that vibration i IMMEDIATELY jumped up. I honestly don't know what made my dizzy spells go away but they slowly disappeared after 5 months (I had more dizzy spells but I’ll tell you more later)
At this point I'm in a whole new relationship in 2018 ( one i should have never been in but hey! Life is about lessons) --this relationship also served a purpose—
around April 2018 i had convinced my bf at the time to try out going vegetarian with me-- idk what sparked me but i just wanted to--- it was a gut feeling. it lasted for about 2 months but it wasn't forced. I felt good those 2 months until i saw my sister eating a Big Mac (omg ewwww)-- i relapsed and went on a burger binge. The most unhealthy shit i have ever done, in fact i never use to even eat McDonald's burgers lol.
My dizzy spells had disappeared until i caught my ex cheating lmao YES, i was TRIGGERED AGAIN. Let me make this clear because i know my haters will read this & assume a man drove me crazy. It was me unintentionally fasting that triggered the dizzy spells (i found this out later on down the line)--- fasting is one of the easiest ways to connect with God which is why a lot of religions do this. In my case, my feelings were hurt so i just didn't care to eat (thank God I am not a binge eater when depressed) which is what made me FEEL DIFFERENT. Please make a note of this: you can not force this kind of awakening, it comes with life. My feelings were hurt for about 2weeks, nowhere near as long as my depression from when i found out about my dads tumors. After those 2 weeks, i felt DIFFERENT. Animals & plants seemed more vibrant to me. I've never been a nature person so I KNEW I WAS DIFFERENT. It started out with dragonflies tho! Everyday i left the house there would be a dragon fly waiting for me at the door. Not just that but it seemed as if they were following me!!
Everywhere i turned they were there. It's a feeling that you will definitely have to experience but not just nature...numbers started showing up everywhere i looked. Most people see 11:11 and make a wish, but i started seeing triples EVERYWHERE. 1111 & 444 were the first numbers i started to see but they definitely weren't the last. The numbers appear to me daily, sometimes they are birthdays and sometimes they are random sequences... like 757, 238, 311, 365, 928, 808, 234 -- THE LIST GOES ON! I started journaling these encounters because everyone thought i was crazy. I eventually started doing research and telling people about my experiences--- turns out, I WASN'T ALONE. What i was feeling was no longer scary anymore however i still had my questions like, "why me?"--- this was my spiritual awakening. Everything that I previously thought was now compromised because of what I was experiencing. Every time I’d ask God a question in a normal daily conversation, I’d hear or see the answer next to one of the synchronicities. the crazy part is, I have receipts for certain encounters but I’ll save those for a later date. During 2018, Jhené Aiko “trip” album made so much more sense to me, it literally helped me through some hardships 💛 “ascension” was the theme for me. In the blink of an eye I went from a superficial queen to a borderline hippie....
Like & comment if you want part 2 of my spiritual journey as I go more in depth about sage, crystals, number meanings & my beliefs....
sn: this blog is for me to live in my truth unapologetically 💛